![]() These people equate intimacy with a loss of independence. By being too clingy, I will scare him away and ruin yet another chance at a relationship! Dismissive-avoidant attachment style I’m obsessing about whether or not he’s going to call me back! I know that, once again, I’ll manage to turn all my fears about not being good enough into a self-fulfilling prophecy. I’m worried that he doesn’t find me attractive enough. They’re stuck in their fantasies about what a relationship could be rather than seeing it for what it is now. ![]() These people tend to crave intimacy and are likely to be clingy. Psychologists differentiate three main types of insecure attachment: Anxious-preoccupied attachment style If we expand our awareness, we may be surprised to uncover that many choices and decisions in our lives are not necessarily conscious, but rather, default programs operating from our subconscious. Our attachment style explains why we’re attracted to certain types of people or why we keep recreating certain dysfunctional patterns in our relationships. Therefore, emotional bonding is an innate biological need.Īttachment theory illustrates that the way in which we formed bonding with our primary caregivers during our childhood creates an imprint that continues to affect our adult relationships. When we’re infants, our survival depends on our caregivers. Relationships become a means to compensate for the lack that they feel inside, and they expect another person to supply or substitute that which they don’t feel on their own. However, more often than not, we see people bonding based on their subconscious attempts to fill the void within or heal the wounds from childhood. In an ideal world, two people who feel whole and secure within themselves find each other and decide to share their life journeys together. The quality of love has a nurturing touch that allows for things to unfold. ![]() ![]() The difference between attachment and genuine love is that love is confident in its expression. The problem is that we often mistake the idea of love for attachment, lust, or approval. We imagine that by clinging to something, we demonstrate our love and care for it.Īnd the more we grasp, the more we’re afraid to lose it. It was my own selfish need accompanied by a lack of understanding. It was a painful but valuable lesson. A lesson that I carried with me into my adulthood. ![]() The act of closing them in a jar wasn’t an act of love. I would let them crawl on my hands and I would cry each time they flew away. Because I didn’t want them to leave, I decided to catch them and close them in a jar. I was happy until I realized that they would soon die from suffocation. ![]()
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